Alison Barber

My Darlings,

I have two things to show you…

and

Jean Parker Toronto

This is the link to my new blog, where I will be spending my time when I am not spending it with…

With a new baby on the way, and my life already in a laughing-busy-bustle, I have been thinking hard about my priorities- ew- that word sounds incredibly grown-up, let’s change it to- my present goals.

My time is so precious, and it quite clear I am a mom first and foremost these days, so what do I do with the fleeting moments of the day which do belong to me? Where do I want to spend my energy?

I am ever grateful for the success of The Little Green Pea, and I will always be thinking up new stories but maybe my children’s writing will resume when I’m old and grey, when I write for my grandbabies.

Because at the end of the day, what burns inside of me NOW is to be on stage, or in front of the camera, to nurture my acting, my playwriting, my screenwriting. And frankly, it is about time I did just that.

Thank you for your ever loyal and loving following. If you want to check in with me and my cheeky-self, please head to www.jeanparkertoronto.wordpress.com .

Yours truly,

Alison Barber
aka Mrs. Twit and troublemaker and friend

So I was sitting in “Pam’s” office and you’ll never believe what she said. “It’s great you were able to work last year AND have a new baby.” I grinned like a bobcat.

I love it when people surprise you. Often times we don’t let these people go. They are invaluable not just for the services they provide but for who they are.

Pam. And it wasn’t just her remark that prompted me to write this post. She was amazing; thorough, understanding, and extremely patient with me while I rifled through my many receipts like I was throwing confetti into the air. Her real name is Susan Feldman, The Tax Ma’am. If you live in the GTA and haven’t filed yet, call her up, and call her quick! Susan has over 800 satisfied customers, needless to say the springtime finds her busy.

Perla Porto my esthetician and therapist, really. The native Brazilian has the most contagious outlook on life. She is full of passion, wholesome insight and genuine care. You’ll leave her table feeling lighter, and not just from the lack of hair.

I use to drive from Ajax to deliver my drycleaning to Bestway Cleaners on Donlands. (I know, I know, bad carbon footprint, but I always had another reason to be in town). The motherly pair, Kiki and Rita, can alter anything. They once took a bridemaid’s dress three sizes too big and made it fit seamlessly for me the next day (which I have been forever grateful as the wedding was the day after!). They are good people and affordable.

Tyler Marr, my hairsylist, working now at The Alcorn Salon. I’ve followed him across the city and back for his old-man soul and killer cuts. He’ll make you look like Gisele while giving you a new recipe for avocados.

Ask for Lisa! Going to the dentist is a pleasure when you sit in Dental Hygienist Lisa’s chair at Queen Street Dental. The practice is run by partner-dentists James and Vickie Sugarman (their lastname was what brought me in ) but it is Lisa, the smart, funny, and gentle-to-your-pearlies hygienist who makes my visit so enjoyable.

Hang on to your good people with all you’ve got.

For the last few days I have been in the thick of filing my taxes. I usually give you the pre-warning that I’m going in and you may not see me for the rest of the fiscal year, but for some reason I decided to pay the government all my money early this year. In fact I am meeting with the accountant tonight. Let’s call her “Pam”. Pam and I will probably have an uncomfortable conversation about the lack of income I generated in 2012. It will start by me saying “I’m actor- and a writer, a children’s writer and I have children- I mean just one, I just have one child but I had him recently. Well- in 2011, but he really had an impact on the year- you know?”. More uncomfortable will be when Pam tells me that despite my measly earnings, I still owe the government like, a thousand dollars and oh- could I make out a personal cheque now for her services?

Here’s the conversation I would really like to have.

Pam: Wow. What a year you’ve had!

Me: I know.

Pam: Having a baby is a crazy amount of work, it’s amazing that you found time to work at all.

Me: Tell me about it.

Pam: And being self employed takes an extreme amount of discipline and self motivation. It’s not your nine-to-fiver.

Me: No, it’s not.

Pam: You know what? We’re just gonna forget about it.

Me: About what?

Pam: Having to pay. You deserve a break. A positive jump into 2013. Let’s kick some ass. (handing me an envelope)

Me: What’s this?

Pam: Accrued money from your liquor purchases last year. New moms shouldn’t have to pay taxes on beer either.

John totally called me out for being a Debbie Downer in Saturday’s post… alright, alright, I know it wasn’t sunshine and roses but it was real, it was what I was feeling at the time. Totally uncensored and (to make John cringe with my use of word) raw. But nobody can stay like that forever, it’s really no fun. So this morning, although I still might have been having “my career feels over” kinda of thoughts, I decided to play the Polyanna game my mom taught me. It is very simple to do and quite effective. Before you get out of bed in the morning, think of five things you are looking forward to or are grateful for. Five happy thoughts. That’s it. And then you can get out of bed and grease around like a Gloomy Gus if you feel like it, but you might find that you’d rather hop around like Harry Happy-Guts.

Here’s my five thoughts for today:

1) The first day of Spring is on Wednesday!
2) I am making banana bread and despite my shortcomings in the kitchen, I am actually a dynamo baker
3) John is coming home
4) I am waking up in a pretty exciting city, the impossible could happen before breakfast
5) My bogger-nugent is waiting for me next door with a smile, or a poopy diaper.. hmmmm… maybe another happy thought… I’ve got some really great turkey breast in the fridge that I’m going to eat for lunch!

I am standing at the stove and on my front burner I have a pot of kraft dinner. Behind it, in a scalded, once shiny pot sits my career. A little crusty around the edges from neglect. Not because I’ve forgotten it. I can smell it burning so I am always reminded that it’s there. I just can’t get to it now, my spoon can’t seem to reach. So what do I do? Turn off the back burner and cut wienies into the kraft dinner. Make a meal of it. That is the right answer, that is what I should do. But I can’t, I don’t even like hotdogs, and they’re really bad for you if you think about it. So I continue to cook everything at once, burning it all.

I am a mess in the kitchen, literally and metaphorically. And it’s something that I need help with. But is there even an answer? A secret ingredient to doing it all?

Burning KD in Toronto

Greatest compliment: Three year old Owen has started going to the bathroom all by himself. His parents say he likes to shut the door and jabber away while sitting on the pot. After a closer listen, they discovered he was reciting The Little Green Pea word for word, while pooing. I haven’t stopped smiling.

It’s round two for my sister, author Brittany Smith’s story MUSCLE MAN at brokenpencil.com. Do check out her clever rewrite and VOTE VOTE VOTE! More than once, more than twice or if you are like me, vote every hour while singing a made-up song like this “Yay yay Muscle-y Man, you can win, yes you can!”… okay my song isn’t very good but her story is!!!

I don’t do well in the winter. I have no qualms in admitting I am completely a fair-weathered person. But unfortunately this leaves me moody and up to no good. Restless and uninspired. Not really the best disposition for hosting an inspirational blog. So for fun, I decided to cruise the web in search of resident bloggers from warmer climates, hoping their sunny perspective would cheer me up a bit and give me something pleasant to write about. (What I really wanted to find was one big welcoming beach party). In Hawaii I read about suicide and terminal illness, in sunny Bahamas I stumbled across workplace angst and midlife crises, in Arizona, well, they had the nerve to post pictures of snow! That did me in. So I came back here to grumble.

I guess it’s true; the grass isn’t always greener. Well.. actually it is, but they got a lot of sh*t on their lawn.

That was me singing, after being locked outside my blog all weekend. AlisonBarber.com was HACKED and I am not the least bit FLATTERED. I mean, the hackers didn’t even sign my guest book or leave a little note with a smiley face telling me how comfortable their stay was, how cozy. But what can I expect? I am playing on the internet after all, and it’s a vast playground. I am bound to come across some unwanted visitors every now and then.

Of course at the time, I was ready to shut-down shop. Never blog again. Partly because I am an ape when it comes to deciphering computer code, which was required in order to gain access to my site again, and partly because in the wake of the writing competition my sis, author Brittany Smith was in last week, I wasn’t sure I wanted to open up a dialog on the internet again.

If anyone was following the competition, which is evidently called a “Deathmatch”, the meat and potatoes of it is: two authors go story-to-story on the internet and the world wide web can read their stories and vote which story they prefer and opt to make a breezy comment or question. Okay, I added the breezy part, in actuality, the comments were down right torrential.

I mean, I know it was all apart of the game, it is called a DEATHMATCH for pete’s sake, as every busy-body chimed in with their jaded and most times, hurtful opinions. “It’s just for fun”, John would remind me as I went to the computer, white-knuckled, to read what new awful thing was said about my sister. But as the dialog grew to uncomfortable lengths and stopped being about the work, I wasn’t having any fun.

So I started thinking about what am I even doing here on my blog? Have I created an environment where I am one of those busy bodies trying to TELL you how to live your life? Am I stating my opinion of things to be RIGHT in the bigger picture? Because I must be honest, I think opinions are bs. Usually at the core of the opinion, the is person just trying to justify own their actions or beliefs. It never is about you. Because there is NO WAY anyone could have any idea what is going on in your head, in your heart, in your life. How could we know what is right or best for you?

Be weary when some one tries to TELL you something.

No, what I hope I’m doing here, and why I’ve come back to blog, is to create an environment where I SHARE what’s going on in my life and hope you might get a kick out of it, maybe it’ll inspire you, maybe it won’t. Maybe you’ll want to SHARE you’re own stuff. Because I am a huge advocate for SHARING, that’s why I do what I do. Through sharing we can grow as individuals. But it’s learning to take what is offered as a gift, and then decide whether or not you want to keep it, whether or not it is right for YOU. I like to practice this by using my best Audrey Hepburn voice and saying, very nobly, “Thank you. Noooo, thank you”.

Britt won that leg of the race by the goods in her writing and the goods in her heart.

Today I am going to use what little internet presence I have and urge you to head on over to brokenpencil.com and vote for my big sis Brittany Smith. She’s gotten herself involved in a writer’s deathmatch, where her short story Muscle Man competes against another. It’s like blinking Hungergames over there; catty comments flying, blows below the belt. Her opponent’s out to kill. Anyways check it out, it’s very easy to to vote and you can do it every hour! May the best story win! (which is Muscle Man, of course)